In 2019, I found myself in a financial nightmare—not because of the numbers in my bank account, but because of how I was talking to myself about them. I was on medical leave, anxiously waiting for disability checks while my husband was job hunting. The uncertainty made me latch onto the idea that if I could just pay off my $23,000 of student loan debt before turning 33, I would finally feel financially secure.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was using shame as my primary motivator—a strategy I would later learn is neither sustainable nor kind.
The Dangers of Shame-Based Finance
Growing up in a hardcore Catholic, Mexican household, I was taught that shame was a tool to correct behavior. The worst thing you could be called was a sinvergüenza—someone without shame. That cultural conditioning made me susceptible to personal finance gurus who use shame as their primary tactic. I devoured books, watched YouTube videos, and absorbed messages that told me being in debt was proof that I was bad with money and that my only path to redemption was through extreme financial discipline.
This messaging led me to set a rigid goal: become debt-free in four months. I convinced myself that if I couldn’t do it, I was a failure.
The Harsh Reality of Aggressive Debt Payoff
To achieve my goal, I made drastic sacrifices. My husband had just landed a new job, and instead of celebrating, I insisted we continue living solely on my disability income. Every one of his paychecks went toward student loan payments. Our budget was so tight that any unexpected expense—like a medical bill—felt like a personal failure.
At one point, I even dipped into our emergency fund to stay on track. I was willing to take financial risks just to meet an arbitrary deadline.
But the worst part wasn’t the financial strain—it was how I spoke to myself. Every time I spent money on something that wasn’t a necessity, I berated myself. I believed that proving I was good with money required suffering.
The Cost of Self-Punishment
By the time I finally made my last student loan payment, I expected to feel accomplished. Instead, I felt empty. No one was cheering for me, and rather than celebrating, I continued to judge myself. I had shattered my self-trust.
When it came time to set my next financial goal—saving a six-month emergency fund—I couldn’t bring myself to start. The thought of enduring more rigid budgeting felt unbearable. That’s when I realized: Financial security shouldn’t come at the cost of my well-being.
Shifting to a Self-Compassionate Approach
Unlearning the belief that financial security requires suffering took time. The turning point came when I started sharing my journey online. My Instagram community became my biggest support system. When I expressed anxiety about going over budget, they responded with kindness. They reminded me that progress didn’t have to be painful.
This shift in mindset allowed me to save $30,000 for my emergency fund in just six months—a goal I initially thought would take 18 months. When I prioritized joy, sustainable budgeting, and self-compassion, I reached my financial goals faster than when I was forcing myself through them.
Key Takeaways
- Shame is not a sustainable motivator. If your financial goals require punishing self-talk, it’s time to reassess.
- Aggressive debt payoff and extreme frugality do not equal financial security. Financial well-being includes stability, flexibility, and peace of mind.
- Self-discipline should include self-love. Building wealth should be rooted in self-care, patience, and sustainable habits.
- The way we talk to ourselves about money matters. Self-compassion fosters long-term progress, while shame leads to self-doubt and burnout.
- Lean on community. Encouragement from others can help you replace self-judgment with grace.
Build Wealth with Joy, Patience, and Cariño
If this story resonates with you, let’s continue the conversation. Follow me on Instagram @WealthParaTodos and DM me your thoughts. And if you’re ready to build financial security with guidance, patience, and self-care, consider working with me as your money and self-care coach.
Building wealth isn’t about proving your worth—it’s about honoring yourself and your wellness along the way. Let’s make financial security something that feels good, not something that comes at the cost of your joy.
